Making Decisions or Why I Ditched the Love of My Life

6 months after my mother broke up my ex-fiance and I (which is a whole ridiculous other story), 19 year old Luis Hernandez messaged me on myyearbook.com asking me what type of music I like. Expecting the usual sexual "ohhh baby, you so fine lemme get on that" message, his conversation was literally refreshing. Two months later, at 11:30 pm at a North Dallas Denny's, he rested his forehead against mine and asked me (for the millionth time it felt like) to be his girlfriend. And I finally accepted.

I was initially attracted to Luis because we were exact opposites: he's sane, logical, not interested in material things, and I'm definitely not like that;p He has impeccable taste in music and movies (although I'm more into drama and he's obsessed with comedy). I learned so much from dating him though-he's a fantastic teacher. So why did we break up?

There are so many reasons (or excuses, rather). Mainly, I gave up on us because I was trying to find balance in my life. Overwhelmed with all the responsibilities thrust on me (and also a pregnancy scare that really messed with my emotions), I couldn't stop myself from taking all my feelings out on the person closest to me. I hurt Luis, with whatever I could to hurt him, to make myself feel better. I'm still in the process of forgiving myself for what I put him through (this article in particular has helped me bunches). After basically putting up with my depressed, angry self for a few months, I decided I needed a change. The best thing I could think of was "taking a break" from Luis.


Now he's 21. I've met almost all of his friends, he's met all of mine; we drive to Denny's at night and share drug stories, and I hope to God that he doesn't notice me staring at him. But we're not dating. Honestly, I do still love him and do still want to date him, but I have to get healthy first. Although, knowing him, he'll be completely over me when that happens. I have my prayers to give me hope in this situation; sometimes hope is all we have to hold on to.


Danielle