How to have a Happy Relationship

Based on my past experiences, I'm not really a poster child for a happy relationship. But I'm happy now, and I would like to share what I've learned about remaining this way:)

• It's hard to be friends first and lovers after, but at least put off sex until you know you two are monogamous. This way you can build on your chemistry early on and not the sexual feelings, which lessen over time. While I did do other stuff after I became Luis' girlfriend, I waited about a year until I actually had sex with him mostly because I was scared of it! I'm super glad I waited though; the crazy head-over-heels sexual attraction has gone away, but the connected feeling has remained.

• There will be a time when you fight, argue, and/or disagree about something. I mope, cry and shut down (super unattractive) when I'm feeling anything less than happy, and Luis doesn't really like it. I'm lucky he's understanding, or else I'd be in trouble! He gets me to calm down and talk to him about what I'm feeling. For us (mostly me haha), talking about our feelings helps us understand each other.

• Now for something I don't and will never understand: dating for a few months then getting engaged. Whoever thought that was a fantastic idea was kidding themselves. Dating fast and marrying young seems like a recipe for relationship failure! And yet, one of the youth leaders in my church just proposed after 3 months. He's 22. There's no right age to marry, but the average divorce rate drops after age 24. I've been proposed to after a few months of knowing someone, and it's the worst thing ever. In rare cases I'm sure it works out, but dating your partner long term before getting engaged allows for the transition from romantic relationship to partnership. I feel like I'm finally going through that transition and it has been over a year! You also have to have time to become a little disillusioned with marriage and dating: we tend to have an overly-romantic view of both while they're actually freaking tough and not that fun all the time.

• This is my favorite tip of all time: always have fun! If it's in your plans, hopefully you'll be spending the future with this person, so shouldn't they be someone you love to have fun with?

Danielle